Don't Pick Up
by Closet-Monsters
Summary: Iruka is normal. He lives in a normal house, with a normal job, and an outcast of a kid. Helping Naruto fit in is hard, especially when your nights are plagued with a phone stalker.(KakaIru) AU(CH4 & 5)
1. Enter Iruka

Second fic to go up. Written by Redd and edited by the ubber-awsome Monster. This is an AU fic, which means it is an Alternate Universe; no ninja stuff. :( This is a Yaoi story, which means sooner or later two guys are going to screw each other's brains out. If that offends you, there is something located on your window most likely in the shape of an arrow. It will take you back to what you were previously looking at and keep you from bothering me. The warning is up here and now. If you flame me, you better be ready for me to flame you back because sending me a review that complains about how gross I am is just idiotic behavior in my opinion. I'm warning you upfront so I have every right to pummel you with words you'll have to look up if you flame me. There is nothing else to say on that issue.

Pairings: KakaIru for now. When it comes to romance stories I came up with, I don't like to go straight into things, so don't look for smut in the first chapter . Updates Fridays, RIR updates once a week.

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"Don't Pick Up" by closet-monsters

When a high school story is told, it is usually about the students. Children growing up, losing baby fat, and gaining heartbreak is the popular version. All part of stereo-typical blabber one lonely adult scribbles down on a rainy day, or a hopeless romantic trying to feed themselves.

Who has ever written about the teachers?

Now, Umino Iruka was a sensible man, an advanced literature teacher, and a dedicated father. He had entered college at a young age and graduated top of his class. He could have had almost any job out there, but he settled for a job where teenagers stared him down like he was a cop that had caught them smoking behind the school. Instead of having any time of his own, he graded papers.

Iruka understood. Iruka was kind. Iruka was...

Late.

The young teacher was literally tripping over his own feet as he raced down the stairs and for the front door, doubling back to grab his coat and tripping over a misplaced skateboard.

"Naruto!" He yelled, though his son was surprisingly on schedule this morning and had headed for school. Iruka grumbled about what a mess this place was; and he had just cleaned yesterday! Did I mention dear Iruka has an obsessive. Compulsive. DISORDER?

Grabbing his coat, the brunette rocketed out the door, not bothering to lock it behind him, just closing the door. Brown strands of hair streamed out behind him as he ran full-force down the street, expertly slipping on the coat while keeping pace. He looked much like a girl with his hair down (The dark scrunchie that held it up in its neat ponytail was strapped to his wrist) and his features were soft as well. The only thing that messed up his appearance was a nasty scar cutting horizontally across his nose.

He hadn't even bothered pulling out his green van; traffic would only slow him down and he wasn't old yet! He threw open the doors of the school and hurtled through the halls, not slowing when the hall monitor called out 'No running!' The only thing that stopped him was running into solid matter; a person, actually. He wa spitting out muttered apologies until a familiar voice spoke.

"Good morning, Iruka."

He looked up to see one eye staring down at him under strands of ivory hair.

Hatake Kakashi.

"Kakashi-san, sorry about that." Iruka mumbled in a rush. Was he blushing? Oh, dear god please don't let him be caught blushing in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi was one of the two gym teachers of the paticular highschool who sported a blue head-band that covered his entire left eye and an a blue scarf that was so big it covered from nose down. The man had white hair, yet Iruka had heard he was only in his early thirtys and that he had actually been born with it.

In Iruka's mind, the guy was so -what was the word the kids were using- hot. Did I mention Iruka is gay? In fact, half the student body knows this fact, even some of the teachers. The only one who didn't seem to know was Naruto, Iruka's son.

Naruto was an adorable blonde boy with big blue eyes. Despite his good quallities, most of the student body shunned him for reasons Iruka wasn't sure. It might be because Naruto had a fetish for pranks.

If it was outrageous or crude, Naruto was responsible. He wasn't really Iruka's son, Iruka had saved him from the streets one paticularly rainy day and Naruto had just…never left.

Back to the real world. Iruka carefully went around Kakashi and scuttled off to his class, not even daring to look back. Kakashi blinked his one eye, chuckling beneath all the cloth and then heading for his gym class.

"Pencils down." Iruka called out to the class. The test was over and he'd have to rake in papers again. "Naruto, pencils DOWN!"

The boy in the eye-catching orange jumpsuit put his pencil down with a grumble. Yes, Naruto was in advanced English, but not for the fact Iruka was the teacher. The blonde was smarter than everyone thought, though it was Naruto's fault.

"Pass all test papers to the front row...Kiba, do NOT scribble down answers once you get the papers; I caught you last week. Ino, no make up in class, this is not a salon. Spit out your gum, Ten Ten." He mumbled, ignoring all the glares sent his way. The bell rang for lunch, dissmissing the class. Naruto remained.

"What is it, Naruto?"Iruka asked as he picked up papers from the front desks. A long green pen was perched between the middle and index fingers of his writing hand, the pen that everyone in English class dreaded. Some teachers used blue, most used red, but Iruka used green; funny little fettish he had.

"My paper isn't in there." Naruto mumbled.

"What?" Iruka didnt understand.

"Kiba ripped it up when I passed it to him," Then, after a while, "It was an accident."

"My foot!" Iruka snorted. "You let everyone step all over you, Naruto. It's gotten to the point where I'd rather see you being dragged to the principle's office for giving him a bloody nose rather than drawing obscene scenes on the bathroom walls." He sighed, shaking his head and putting down his papers.

Naruto lowered his head a bit. "He probably doesn't mean it, I hear he has trouble at home."

"Come here, Naruto."Iruka set down the papers and took the boy under his arm. "I'm proud that you can just walk away from a fight, but you really should speak up. Want me to talk to Kiba?"

"No." Naruto said, quickly pushing away from his adoptive father's hold. "They already tease me because we live together. I can take care of myself. Forget I mentioned it and just give me a 0 for the test; I missed half the questions anyways." That said, he quickly left the room.

-

Iruka glared at the soda machine before him, which refused to spit out a Pepsi for his deposited sixty-five cents. Teachers got a discount on drinks in the teacher's lounge, but what was the use if the thing wouldn't even give up any of it's contents?

"Ya know, there's a trick for that," Said a voice behind him, causing Iruka to nearly jump a foot.

"Oh? Mind showing me, Kakashi?" The brunette grounded out, about to attack the soda machine.

"Of course," The gym teacher replied, brushing up beside Iruka and tapping the right side of the machine twice, pushing the money return button, then delivering a nice kick to on of the ice cubes painted under the place where the sodas emerged.

"Nothing happened." Iruka smirked over his shoulder.

"Wait for it..."Kakashi assured him.

A small humming came from the vending machine and then sixty-five cents fell into the money return slot as well as the sound of an aluminum can hitting plastic. Kakashi leaned down and picked up one of the sodas (the machine had spit out two) and stared at it boredly.

"Pepsi? Aw... Oh well." The white-haired man muttered as he began walking away.

Iruka stared at the machine, dumbfounded. He picked up his soda but left the sixty-five cents.

"Kakashi, how'd you do that?" He called, scrambling after him. Kakashi glanced over his shoulder at him.

"Magic."

Iruka gave him a flat stare.

"Why don't we sit down?" Kakashi suggested, taking a seat at an empty table. "Do you usually get mad at the drink machine?"

"What kind of a question was that?" Iruka sat down across from him, opening his soda. "It's Naruto."

"Naruto? What'd that brat do this time?" A women's voice interrupted them. Tsunade, the school's advanced algebra teacher took a seat next to Iruka, setting a salad before her. "Was it worse than drawing two hookers on top of each other on the bathroom walls?"

"Tsunade, please." Iruka blushed, embarrassed at the mention of his 'little brother's' newest prank. "No, some students are picking on him, tore up his test."

"Write 'em up." Tsunade commented; that was her solution to just about every sudent problem.

"No, Naruto would get teased because they think I give him special treatment." He replied, sighing and beggining to swirl his drink.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure no one bothers him in my class," The blonde said. "And if they do, I'll write 'em up."

"Extra laps on track." Kakashi muttered, mouth hidden behind his soda can.

"Thanks," Iruka smiled softly.

"Kakashi!!!" The door flew open and in tumbled a man in a green jumpsuit. "My rival."

"Good god, he found me." Kakashi moaned, lowering his head band even more over his eye.

"Gai!" Tsunade scolded, throwing a carrot at the thick-browed second gym teacher, "Stop making a scene. We're teachers!"

"That's why his team sucks, he's immature." Kakashi whispered between the three at the table. Gai scrambled over.

"What was that?" He asked, sitting in the chair on the other side of Iruka. "Just because you beat my team in basketball yesterday doesn't mean anything! Today we will play...jump rope!"

"We will not; we're playing kickball. I won, so I get to pick the game." Kakashi snorted, not about to jump rope. Iruka tried not to laugh at their antics, though Tsunade was obviously not amused.

"What's going on over here?" Yet another voice cut in. Jiraya, the school's Health teacher slid into a chair next to Tsunade, flashing a deviant grin. "Looks fun."

"We were discussing Naruto," Tsunade grumbled, scooting away from the white-haired old pervert.

"No we weren't, we were discussing how I was going to beat Kakashi and his team at jump-rope!" Gai cut in.

"Kickball!" Kakashi corrected.

The teachers became a sort of swarm as more and more teachers came over to find out the news. The table creaked under the weight of them all and Iruka thought it was high time he escaped -eh- left.

The English teacher clawed his way out of the mass and tumbled out into the hallway, only to walk into one Saratobi; the principle.

"S-S-Saratobi-san! I'm so sorry." Iruka sputtered out. The old man stared at him.

"Hello, Iruka. Heard you were late this morning." He mumbled thoughtfully around the pipe in his mouth. Iruka flushed red.

"I'm sorry, sir, my alarm clock didn't wake me and-"

"Good to know that you're normal." Saratobi cut in.

"What?"

"I was beginning to think you were some sort of robot. Early to school and attending every teacher planning day. You've never missed a day of school, either." He carried on. "It's alright, Iruka, it happens to everyone. Now that gym teacher Kakashi…He hasn't been on time since his job audition... Have a good day, Iruka."

The principle, which Iruka had gotten to know through not only work but also Naruto, continued on his way towards the teacher's lounge where doom loomed. Naruto had spoke of him only as 'the crotchity old man' but it was a wonder the blonde prankster hadn't been expelled yet.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Could be heard down the hall in the teacher's lounge. Iruka winced.

"Sorry, Saratobi-san." Came a chorus of a reply from the teachers. Iruka shook his head and headed for his room to grab test papers.

-

Iruka wished the gym suit would just fall off the man's hips. Seeing Kakashi run around in pants too big for him without the pants falling down was irritating him. He sat in the stands, a stack of papers stacked to his chin in his lap.

It was his free period and it was also Naruto's gym period, so he had a perfect excuse to be outside watching the game of kickball in action. Kakashi's team was offense and Gai had defense. Naruto was on Kakashi's team and up to the plate, hopping on one foot.

Uchiha Sasuke stood behind Naruto; he was on deck for the next kick. While Gai was talking to the pitcher, Lee, Sasuke came over and whispered something to Naruto and smirked. The blonde looked like he was about to deck the school heart-throb right in his pretty face. Sasuke dodged the blow, laughing before stepping out of reach back to where he was supposed to stand.

Kakashi ran over and began whispering in the still angry Naruto's ear. Slowly, Naruto nodded, mischief twinkling in those blue eyes of his and a grin set on his features. When they were ready, Lee pitched the ball. Naruto let it pass him, shaking his head and throwing it back.

"Ball one." Kakashi called.

Lee threw the ball again and Naruto caught it again; too high.

"Ball two"

"I see what you're doing!" Gai yelled and motioned over his shoulder for the fielders to move in. "Naruto cant kick, so you'll have him bunt."

Kakashi looked put out and Iruka looked like he was about to come down and kick Gai for what he believed was an insult about Naruto. Gai chuckled and motioned for Lee to pitch.

This time, Naruto did kick, and he sent the ball flying. The fielders scrambled to catch it, but they were too far in so it bounced once to count it as a good ball. Naruto was an orange and yellow blur on the field as he sprinted for first, then second base.

"Go for home!" Kakashi yelled. The dugout was going nuts. Naruto skidded to a halt on the home plate; all grins and sticking his tongue out at Sasuke. Sasuke smirked, watching Naruto limp towards the dug out. That's when he stuck his foot out and had the blonde trip. Everyone laughed.

Up in the stands, Iruka was fuming, pen pressed hard on a paper, making a green splot. Kakashi glanced up towards them to Sasuke, calling the boy, then pointing to the track. Sasuke shrugged and lazily sauntered to the track, picking up to a trot once he got there.

The kids in the dugout forgot Naruto had made a home and booed him to the back of the line, some of them still laughing. Iruka sighed and marked down all the wrong answers on Inuzuka Kiba's paper in green.

-

Walking home with Naruto was depressing; the blonde stared off into the distance sadly, looking absolutely pitiful without noticing it consciously. Iruka reached out and gently laid his hand on his son's shoulder.

"What?" Naruto mumbled, a bit lifelessly, blue auds staring up at him.

"Are you alright, Naruto? I saw what happened in kickball..."

"I thought I told you to stop protecting me, they all blamed me for sending Sasuke to track." The blonde sighed, picking up his pace and disappearing into the unlocked door of their house.

Iruka was about to call out to him when he got in the door, but the ringing phone distracted him. The English teacher sighed, hanging his coat up before going over and picking up the phone.

"Hello?" He asked the phone.

"Is this Iruka?" Came an odd voice from the other end of the phone.

"..Yes..."

At that, panting breaths followed. "You make me horny."

"Excuse me?" Iruka took the phone and looked at it like it was a writhing snake.

"I just wanna get you out of your pants and-" The next words came in a whisper. Iruka promptly hung up the phone at that, blushing like mad. It must be some prankster student calling him. That's it, just a prank....

Or so he thought.

-----------------------------

That's it. Notice: There might not be a update in RIR until I get off my lazy ass, sorry.


	2. The stalking ensues

You people are awesome. I thought 'Don't Pick Up' would turn out less popular than RIR, but it seems I was wrong. With the exception of Sameetvik Sing, here are replies to your reviews:

**shi-chan**: Ah, thank you muchly. Sh! Who says the phone stalker is Kakashi? o.0 Believe it or not, I had to leave the ending alone for a while because I kept laughing while I was typing. It's a little too short, but the conversations might get longer if I can restrain myself. Merry Christmas to you :3

**The Stranger**: Yes, very odd plot. Ph34r my weird plots! And yes, KakaIru is an excellent pairing.

**YaoiloverS**: o.o I can't believe you gave me a review. I love your stories fangirl worshiping and I am happy you like my story so far. Now to have one more of my favorite authors to review.false hope fills the roomThank you for telling your friends

**Isolde1**: Sankyou Your stories would blow mine away on literacy, though.

Iceheart19: Yes, I feel bad for Naruto as well. Just about every part was about Iruka and hopefully remain so. Scared Iruka you shall have... hopefully .

**Kira**: Ah, yes, the idea just popped into my head and I ran with it. Please keep looking for updates (Fridays)

**eyes0nme19**: I will as long as people keep supporting me.

**Rulkai**: Yes, it does suck. Well, thanks for waiting.

**Polka dot**: I must be creepy, for I own only half a brain.

**Riyo-Sama**: Thank you I don't really like angst, but I have habit for writing it.

**Tamara2187**: I have something speacial in store for Naruto .

-

"Don't Pick Up" by closet-monsters

When the alarm clock rang, Iruka was already up. Hell, Iruka had _been_/ up; he couldn't sleep.

Now, Iruka had no mental issues besides the one that made him want to be a teacher, so he had not wanted to stay up all night like a troubled teenager. No, what kept him up was the thought of that phone call.

He knew it was a prank... At least, he thought it was a prank, but what if it wasn't? He imagined some perverted, dirty old man sitting at his window, watching Iruka's house through a pair of binoculars? The teacher shuddered involuntarily.

Grumbling, Iruka rose from his bed and made it, tucking the sheets neatly into place, and fluffing his pillow.

Naruto drifted downstairs like a zombie, rubbing sleep from his baby blue eyes. The smell of food had roused the blonde from his death-like sleep, which technically proved Iruka's cooking could raise the dead. Said man was clad in an apron, flipping bacon over like an expert.

"Good morning," Iruka greeted him tiredly, not even looking up from his task.

"You look like shit," Naruto informed him, sliding into the table set for two. "What happened."

"You watch your tongue!" Iruka growled darkly, glaring a bit. "No wonder you get into trouble so much; I want to know who taught you that language."

Naruto grumbled, knowing Iruka wouldn't really expect an answer from him. Iruka knew he was right though, he'd looked at himself earlier in the mirror before coming down. Red, blood-shot eyes that were beginning to develop rings around them had stared back at him. Technically, he did 'look like shit'; putting it crudely.

"Gonna drive me to school today?" Naruto asked when a plate of breakfast was placed before him.

"If you want me to." The English teacher replied, sitting down in the seat across from him. He began to pick at his bacon before adding, "That is, if you want to be seen by me."

Naruto gagged, lower lip quivering at that. He then cleared his throat and shoved a whole egg in his mouth, chewing at it with fierce determination. Iruka sighed.

"Naruto, are you ashamed of me?"

Naruto bit his lower lip and was about to speak when Iruka held up his hand, stopping his speech.

"Do me a favor and swallow that egg first." He said, giving a wan smile.

The blonde complied, swallowing his fried egg. "I.." He began, then looked up at his adoptive father, eyes sparking like blue electricity. "I am not ashamed of you. Okay? Can we go to school now in peace, please?"

"Finish your breakfast first and let me check your pockets before we go."

"Aw, no!" Naruto whined, giving a small whimper.

"No. Yesterday you brought spray paint to paint that thing on the walls and Sarutobi blamed me." Iruka argued.

"It was a mural, Iruka-aniki!"

"It was our principle in a bikini!"

"Oh yeah... It suits him, though."

"Naruto!"

-

The teacher's lounge was buzzing with teachers hyped up on coffee. Iruka now leaned against the wall into the corner, coffee mug shaking slightly in his hand. He watched Kakashi slink into the room, late as usual, and take his attendance card from his mailbox.

Iruka tried not to laugh when the silver-haired man opened the clock that marked the time of when they came in, as he would not take part in giving the man away. Kakashi turned back the hands of the clock to a proper time to be in and had the card stamped before returning the clock to normal time.

He was placing the glass face back onto it when he noticed Iruka watching him. The man visibly stiffened, then continued his task like it was nothing. Afterwards, he wandered over to Iruka, visible eye arched.

"Good morning, Iruka-san." He greeted.

"Good morning, Kakashi." Iruka replied, sipping his coffee.

"Okay, what do I have to do?" Kakashi asked straight out, seeing everyone else distracted for the moment.

"Do?" Iruka asked innocently.

"I know you saw me and Sarutobi has been riding me all week about being late. So, what do I have to do for you to keep this a secret between us?"

"You don't have to do anything for me, Kakashi-san," The English teacher smiled. "For now. You'll just owe me one."

Kakashi was silent for a while, watching him quietly with his one good eye.

"You don't look so good this morning, Iruka. Did you get any sleep?" He finally asked, itching the bridge of his nose. Iruka held back a blush of embarrassment at that.

"I didn't get any sleep." Iruka confirmed for him. "Something kept me up all night."

"Oh? What caused that? It wasn't Naruto, was it?" Kakashi asked, though his tone seemed bored.

"Naruto?! What happened now?" Tsunade asked, quite literally shoving Kakashi out of her way to talk with Iruka.

"No no, not Naruto it was-" Before Iruka could continue, the bell sounded for school to get in. "I'll tell you at lunch. For now, let's go get some knowledge into our students."

"You really are a poor sap, aren't you?" Tsunade asked him, teasingly of course. "I think you mean let's 'pound' some knowledge into the students. Homework galore!"

"You know, I always did hate algebra; every one of the teachers were evil dragons from hell." Kakashi whispered to Iruka, who muffled a chuckle.

"I'll show you hell if you don't shut your trap. I'm old enough to have been your teacher!" She growled, which didn't help her case. The gym teacher beat a hasty retreat, leaving Tsunade to scratch up a -for once- innocent Jiraiya, who had just come over to say good morning.

-

"All those who turned in a test yesterday will get your results back today." Iruka announced to the class, setting down a stack of papers on one of the students' desks... Chouji, wasn't it? He smiled to the brunette boy before, slapping his palm hard on the last desk of the row... That was Nara Shikamaru sitting there, he guessed.

The boy had been sleeping and still was even when Iruka had made sound loud enough to wake those even _thinking_ of taking a nap.

"Chouji," He sighed, "Would you wake up Shikamaru?" He asked. The boy shrugged slightly and gave Shikamaru's side a slight poke.

"This better be good." Shikamaru slurred sleepily, then turned his face upwards to face a smiling Iruka. "Shit."

"So glad you could join us, Mr. Nara. Maybe if you studied as much as you slept, you wouldn't have this grade." He slid a paper from the stack over to him.

"D?" Shikamaru asked. "This sucks, my mom's gonna pitch a fit." He grumbled as Iruka moved on.

By the end of class, everyone was groaning over their grades; Iruka's tests were never that easy despite his nicer-than-the-other-teacher's attitude.

"Make-ups will be on Thursday, so that gives you all the time to study. If you were absent, you have a chance to make up the grade as well. I expect the assignment on the board to be done and with you tomorrow morning; not abducted by UFOs or in your dog's digestive track. Have a nice day, you are dismissed when the bell rings." He announced. His soft brown eyes cast a glance up to the back, where Naruto sat.

Naruto was leaning over his desk, staring hard at the paper Sasuke had on his desk. Sasuke was the only one who had gotten an A on the test. Hell, he was the only one who had an A in the class; the rest were hanging onto Cs and Bs by the skin of their teeth. Sasuke cast a glance over his shoulder and snorted at the blonde, promptly flipping the paper over so his grade couldn't be seen. Naruto, of course, fumed.

The bell rang, dismissing the students. Iruka reached out and caught Naruto by the collar, giving him a sort of knowing, scrutinizing look.

"Don't get in trouble today. I know Sasuke is messing with you, but don't be the one to start a fight, okay? Don't you dare roll your eyes at me! Study for the test or I will fail you, Naruto." That said, he gave his 'little brother' an affectionate noogie and shoved him out of class into the crowd.

Iruka sighed, beginning to return to his desk when something black on one of the desks. He glided over to the spot, looking down to study the desk. "Iruka-sensei is a prick." He read aloud and then twitched. "Prick?!"

-

By lunch he could have punched a hole through the plaster wall; that soda machine better not give him hell this time.

As it feeling his hostile aura, the soda machine did not put up a fight and spat out his drink when he pressed in what he wanted. He then removed his bento box lunch from the faculty refrigerator and took a seat, immediately surrounded by Kakashi, Tsunade, and... Jiraiya (WTF?)

"So tell us why you're looking so exhausted today," Tsunade said, stirring her mug of tea with a spoon.

"Yeah," smirked Jiraiya, "You're always so bouncy, no wonder why you're still a virg-"

He stopped his sentence there, as Tsunade had cut off his air supply with her hands.

"Virgo." He choked out, trying to claw Tsunade off. "I was going to say 'Virgo'." She looked at him knowingly, but let go, turning back to Iruka.

"It was a phone call. Some student called me up last night..." He blushed violently at this and lowered his head. "They called me, voice disguised, and verbally violated me."

Tsunade looked mortified, Jiraiya chuckled, and Kakshi just sat there. Then, Tsunade turned and boxed Jiraiya's ears. "You called Iruka?! How low have you sunk?"

"It wasn't me!" He yelped, covering his ears protectively. "Not only do I not swing on that side of the pole, but I only do that to you, Tsunade-sama!"

"So that WAS you?" She got angrier, if possible.

"So don't let it get to you and do the same." Kakashi commented while the two were fighting. Iruka gave him a confused look.

"Nani?" He asked, not quite grasping what Kakashi was suggesting. Kakashi sighed, as if he were about to explain to a child.

"They are doing this to scare you, so if you say something back to them, they probably won't be able to keep up their disguise any longer and hang up." The gym teacher explained, nudging away his already finished food and tugging up his scarf over his nose.

"I never thought of that," Iruka mumbled to himself. "I guess it couldn't hurt.."

"Write 'em up." Tsunade commented, dusting her hands off from just pummeling Jiraiya.

"I don't know who they are... Probably the same kid that wrote crude language on one of my desks." The brunette muttered. "I haven't slept since the night before."

"So take a nap during your free period." Jiraiya suggested. "That's what I always do."

It was an excellent idea... But his free period is when he went to watch the students -more like Kakashi- play in gym! Maybe he could skip it, just this once. He caught Kakashi looking to the side at him and hid a blush; he must have been thinking the same thing, as he was sure both gym teachers were aware of his presence by now.

-

In the end, Iruka had taken the nap instead of going to gym and he felt a lot better at the end of the day. Naruto, surprisingly, was waiting for him at the front door of the school, smiling. Iruka cold not help but smile back.

"So how was your day?" He asked the blonde as they both got into the green van.

"I beat Sasuke today in jump rope." Naruto replied, swelling up with pride. Iruka muffled laughter at the sight of him and turned the ignition on; Naruto was just so cute at times.

"You didn't pull a prank today either, I'm proud." The brunette smiled over him, then concentrated on backing their car out of the driveway. "And even though I know you're planning to do something bad one day this week, I'm going to make you a special dinner tonight."

"What is it?" He asked, over-large blue eyes shimmering.

"How about... Homemade ramen?" Iruka suggested, screeching the car to a hault on the road when Naruto tackled him. Horns were being used and people were shouting at him out their windows. "Naruto, get off!"

There was no food over ramen, but Naruto was always used to eating the instant kind, from a cup. Iruka usually only made ramen on his birthday, so he jumped at the thought of having it on a regular night. He reluctantly let go of his adoptive father, just enough so he could drive.

"What kind are you going to make?" He asked Iruka, settling back into his seat.

"We're going to the grocery store and you're going to figure out which kind you want." He replied, turning into the parking lot of the said store.

-

Naruto ate every bit of the ramen -leaving a bit for Iruka, of course- and was even sick for eating too much. Iruka shook his head at the blonde, standing behind him and rubbing the boy's back while he tossed up some of his dinner.

"Ugh... Great dinner, Aniki, sorry I had to get rid of some of it." Naruto groaned, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. The brunette just smiled and patted him on the back knowingly.

Then, the phone rang.

Iruka did not think of the phone call from earlier, but the memory came flooding back once he heard the voice.

"Iruka?" Came the husky voice from the receiver.

"T-that's right." He mumbled, beginning to walk upstairs. He remembered Kakashi's suggestion and refrained from hanging up.

"What are you doing?"

"Climbing the stairs.." Iruka replied, trying to sound as calm as possible.

"Mmm, in what? What are you wearing?" Came the voice and then a muffled moan.

'It's not working, Kakashi.' Iruka thought franticly. "Clothes."

"Ah, so black slacks." The voice breathed. "White, button up shirt...there's a stain on that pocket, you know."

"What?" He looked down at his clothes. Black pants, white shirt, and... there was a small, red stain on the pocket over his heart. Iruka nearly fainted. "Are...Are you stalking me?"

There would have been giggling in the background if this was a joke, but instead he heard something of a muffled scream.

"Oh, dear God, did you just..." He looked around, saw Naruto nowhere in sight. "Did you just spooge?" He used the term the kids were using these days.

"Mmmm hmmm." The other moaned. Iruka lost it; he hung up the phone quick and dived into his room, leaving the phone where it landed at the top of the stairs. The English teacher himself had found a way to crawl under his bed and curl up. No way in hell he was sleeping tonight.

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Shorter than the first chapter my apologies. Thanks again for all the lovely reviews and please don't forget to send us some this time. Reviews keep me writing and Monster, reluctantly, editing. Updates might not come for a little while, as I have to start writing to get into a magnet school now.


	3. Iruka is Evil

Hello everyone. I'm Monster and I will be hosting both of the latest chapters to the fanfictions as Redd is working to get into the school for the arts. I was so rudely tossed the notebook she writes her chapters in and told to update this time 'or else'. I hope you don't mind me typing it up this time and I hope you enjoy the newest chapters. Reviews? What do you mean I have to answer the reviews?

YaoiloverS(and for everyone else that posed this question): 'Spooge' is another term for ejaculation or cumming :blushes violently: Sasuke wrote a note? :re-reads second chapter: No, I don't believe he wrote a note at all. -' Oh? Well if you think that's what happened, don't tell anyone else! Shh! Yes, your stories must be marvelous, as Redd turned in another story that has your name on it. :Is shot for telling secrets:

KageOni1: Ah, well, thank you :takes credit: Your sister sounds like a girl on PMS for way too long? o-0 I would hide.

Hitomi No Ryu: We hope not to dissapoint.

insanechildfanfic: Thank you!

B.U.G.I.M.S: Your first question is answered in YaoiloverS' review comments. I have no idea where Redd yanks her ideas from. We will see who the phone stalker is soon (I hope) :Is in as much wait as everyone else here:

cinnamaroll: Thank you. We were scared no one would like this idea.

KageOni1: We all know Jiraiya is the bitch of the relationship. (Just kidding; I like the old pervert, personally. Don't hurt me.)

AznNarutoGrl-91: Yes, I feel bad for our blonde pranster. Your second review is answered in YoailoverS' review comments.

Iceheart19: I'd be scared it was an old man, too! You never know these days... Naruto's eyes are pretty, and they should be described as so! I can't answer questions asking the outcome of the story, but Iruka gets his revenge in this chapter. Jiraiya is such a pervert; it's a good thing we have Tsunade to keep him in line! Perversion? :checks third chapter script: Not too much perversion in this one.

Chibi-akuma-no-kage: Well, it updated on time this time. Enjoy.

Rulkai: Redd thanks you for your support, I'm sure. I bet she's sleeping right now... Can't tell you! Mwahahaha.

Baku: Thank you, but sooo many typing mistakes I hope she edits.

turtledonkey27: You shall see in time.

Isolde1: Thank you, we appreciate you taking time out to have a look at our work.

Tamara2187: You shall see like everyone else.

mini-kero: Aww, it's okay, the dolphin is hiding under the safety of his bed. I'm glad you like the story! :hugs:

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'Don't pick up' Chapter3 By closet-monsters

Two hours until school started. The steady purr of the car engine could be heard from outside the local electronics store; the passenger a lone blonde boy curled up in the passenger's side, asleep.

The electronics store was not to open for another hour, but the owner was inside. He was scared, too; his hard grip on the store broom signified that. A face was pressed against the window, distorted by the glass to squish up the cheeks and cause the breath to make white fog against the glass. The guy had his hands on the glass too.

The owner was an old man, so the children doing this to his windows always freaked him out, but now he was terrified because the owner of the face had to be that of a young man. The brown, blood-shot eyes were scarring him into believing that the guy was about to smash the window and take off with the display there.

Iruka didn't mind the stares from what he thought was the manager was giving him. All his attention was focused on the object the display window was offering. A new phone system; with caller ID that even offered the address of a house phone. The teacher all but drooled at it.

His paycheck was coming Friday, which was only two days away from him now. Friday he might have the money to get this wonderful machine God had graced the Earth with. Iruka rubbed his cheek against the glass at this thought.

"Iruka-aniki, can we go now? It's an hour till school starts." Came a sleep-slurred voice from the car. Naruto was just rubbing his eyes and stretching out his short, lanky form across his seat and Iruka's. "Besides, I think that old man is reaching for the phone."

Iruka's shoulders tensed, but he removed himself from the glass and slowly walked back to his green van and slid into the driver's seat.

"What were you looking at, anyway?" Naruto asked, now sitting up and following Iruka's example in buckling his seatbelt.

"Caller ID system," Iruka replied quite honestly. "I think we could use a little something up to date in the house."

"Caller ID? Why not get me an X-box instead? X-box is the future." The blonde whispered, wiggling his fingers at Iruka.

"Not working. We'll see how well behaved you are before Christmas, then we will talk about the 'wonders' of X-box." He replied with a snort, batting Naruto's fingers away and steering the van onto the road.

"But Christmas is almost a year away; my birthday would be closer!" The blonde whined.

"Is it, now?" Iruka smirked suggestively. "My point exactly."

Naruto pouted and crossed his arms at that, mumbling darkly under his breath. Iruka ignored him and pulled into the school parking lot.

-

Kakashi was late; again. He snuck into the teacher's lounge as quietly as a shadow on the wall and moved to go get his attendance card. He almost yelled when he saw it wasn't in its place.

The white haired man quietly tore the place apart until he found it in the 'In' box, the time stamped on it was thirty minutes before he had to be there. Someone had done it for him, but who?

Iruka took another sip of his coffee, watching his crush's antics to find his card with nothing short of amusement. The emotion he saw in Kakashi's one eye when he found it caused him to snort laughter, earning him some confused looks from his fellow teachers.

"That Iruka's nuts," Gai whispered to Kakashi as he adjusted the leg warmers around his skin-tight suit. "I think he might be gay."

"You think _he_ is gay?" He snorted in reply. "I think that might be the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

Gai failed to grasp the reason why Kakashi, and a few fellow teachers passing by, laughed.

-

"Class, we have three new students from the private school in the neighboring county. I want you all to make them feel as welcome as you can." Iruka announced to the class. He studied the new students himself warily.

There was a white haired boy who reminded him suspiciously of a cat with purple make-up here and there. He vaguely wandered how the boy had survived private school classes. With the signal from Iruka, the boy stepped forward. "Kankurou Sabakuno," He grumbled his name.

The next in line was a blonde girl, hair pulled back into four separate ponytails with a pair of dark blue-green eyes staring beneath the golden strands. She was the only one out of the three that wasn't wearing make-up. "Temari Sabakuno," She introduced.

Next in line was a red-haired boy without eyebrows. No, Iruka corrected himself, the boy had eyebrows, they were just so fine they were barely visible. The boy had smeared black gunk around his pale jade eyes, giving him a menacing look to match his fishnet clothes. There was a tattoo on the far left corner of his head, kanji Iruka couldn't make out. Unlike his siblings, this one was quiet.

Iruka looked at him questioningly, but no sound came. So, he finally announced, "This is Gaara Sabakuno." There was whisperings about the class at that, only broken up when Iruka coughed.

"Kankuro, please go take a seat by..." He checked for empty seats, "By Sasuke, in the back. Sasuke, raise your hand. Temari, you have a seat right next to Shikamaru in front, and Gaara... Go sit in the far back next to Naruto."

The siblings broke up and walked to their assigned seats. Iruka smiled approvingly as Naruto began to greet the redhead, who was staring back at the blonde either murderously or thoughtfully. Iruka hoped it was the latter.

"Now, we will be having a group project for this semester's essay grade. Usually I have you right individual pieces, but now I would like to see how you work with teamwork. I will pair you up, of course, so no one is left out. Who I put you with, you're stuck with, no arguments or you fail this semester." He continued, glaring as the class groaned in chorus. "I will announce your partners once I put the new students in my role book."

He sighed, scribbling in the said notebook with his green pen, adding the siblings' names at the bottom. "Oh, Kiba, you can go ahead down to the principal's office once I announce your partner; he knows you're on your way."

Kiba grumbled, scratching at his desk idly. Upon it was a yellow sticky-note, taped right over what he'd scribbled in Sharpie in the wood of the desk. In neat, green pen, a note was written:

'Mr. Sarutobi requests the assistance of Mr. Inuzuka in graphite and cafeteria duty. Please keep your pen from wandering off of paper and onto my desks.'

It was signed 'The Prick'.

"Alright, the partners are Ino and Chouji, Temari and Shikamaru, Hinata and Kiba..." He looked up to Kiba expectantly; who-under his gaze- stood and exited the room. "Kankuro and Shino, Gaara and Neji..."

The words 'Sakura and Naruto' perched on his lips, but then he thought to himself more carefully. Who said teachers couldn't have any fun?

"Sakura and Lee," He said, jotting the change down into his notebook. The English teacher bit back a positively evil look, "Naruto and Sasuke." And then he continued on down his list, ignoring the death-glare from his blue-eyed, blonde prankster. Oh, he'd probably be in for it when he got home, but this would just be too fun.

Sasuke didn't seem bothered by it, but then again, he never showed it if he was bothered by something. He just sat there, with his obsidian gaze staring at the assigned work on the board he'd finished in the first fifteen minutes of class.

It looked like Naruto had finally managed to get Gaara to speak and was now having some form of conversation with the punk. Iruka briefly wondered how Naruto could translate the grunts and mutters of responses Gaara gave, passing out the assignment sheets for the project while doing so.

Class was let out for lunch.

-

The teacher's lounge was mostly quiet, a fact Iruka was relishing as he took a sip of his soda.

"So... How did that idea work?" Kakashi asked cautiously, now sitting silently across the brunette and beginning to stir a steaming cup of ramen. Iruka absolutely glared at the man.

"It didn't work at all." He growled quietly. "In fact he...he.." The English teacher coughed a bit before whispering just what his stalker had done. Kakashi's eye widened slightly.

"He had an orgy right in your ear?" The man said aloud, causing a passing Gai to shoot his energy drink out his nose; that's what he got for laughing while drinking it.

Iruka quickly grabbed his napkin and wiped his face with it, as well as effectively hiding his blush behind it.

"Honestly, do you have to be so loud?" He hissed, one brown eye peeking from behind the cloth and scolding the dark one across from it. Kakashi shrugged and drew out a little orange book.

"Kakashi, put that porn away!" Tsunade yelled, appearing out of almost nowhere and smacking the gym teacher in the back of his head. "Anything you read by Jiraiya will make your eyes fall out!"

"Is that a compliment?" Jiraiya asked, sidling up to her. The blonde shoved him away, glaring.

'What happened to the quiet?' Iruka asked himself, visibly pouting. 'Guess it was just the calm before the storm. What should I expect? My fellow teachers are either perverts, vengeful women, or thick-browed.'

The brunette sighed, falling asleep, forgetting about his lunch entirely. Tsunade would wake him up later, when it was time to return to classes.

-

Iruka was out from what Kakashi had done a few minutes ago, mind happily bouncing into some void of space. The teams were playing soccer, with the two gym teachers acting as team coaches as well as arguing referees.

Kakshi had bent over in front of the bleachers to tie his shoe, awarding the English teacher with a gratuitous eyeful.

"Iruka.." Whispered a voice in his mind. Iruka ignored it, only a gentle shaking to his arm waking him up.

"Iruka."

Said teacher turned to come face-to-face with his crush. He nearly fell back.

"Oh! Kakashi-sama, I must have fallen asleep." Iruka mumbled, trying to hide his blush.

"You sleep with your eyes open?" The coach's visible eye arched after that. "Class is almost over. You're always here during your free period, I've noticed."

Sure, he would have noticed sooner or later. In fact, he'd probably known it for a long time.

"Yes," Iruka agreed, "It's nice to see the kids have some fun; they never do in my class." He sighed.

"It's not hard to give out no homework." Kakashi commented, stretching his lanky form out.

"Well, I've put them on a project to free up the rest of my week, I guess." He mumbled, feeling his brown hair for any flaws in his ponytail.

"So you're not planning anything for the rest of the weekend?" Asked the ivory-haired teacher casually.

"Well, not really, no. I'll be stuck at home for the weekend with Naruto and Sasuke, since I have no excuse to use to escape."

"You need an excuse?"

"Yeah; I'm sure he'd want me to be there so he doesn't have to be alone with Sasuke. The two seem hostile towards each other." Iruka replied.

"Well, I have some errands to run Friday evening. If you need an excuse, you're welcome to come with me."

"Wh-what?"

"You can come with me, to get out of the house," Kakashi repeated, slower now as if he were speaking to a foreigner with bad English (pun). "I consider you as a friend. Besides, you saved me from getting in trouble twice."

"It was really not a problem to pick up your card and... Wait. How did you know I stamped your card? No one else noticed me stamping two."

"I didn't know for sure, but now I do." The gym teacher replied, smiling again. Iruka gave him a flat stare.

"Alright, I'll consider your offer." The dolphin said to the scarecrow, getting up.

"See you later." The other replied, now flipping through his small, orange book.

Once out of sight, Iruka ran into the bathroom and locked himself into a stall. Once there, he squealed like a schoolgirl who had just gotten a date.

And he had, hadn't he? Wasn't this a date? Thinking it over, Iruka frowned. No, this sounded like a friendly thing.

"Ano..." Came a voice from outside the stall. "This is the boy's bathroom, in case you didn't know, miss." The voice was familiar, and peeking through the crack in the bathroom door informed Iruka that they were blonde.

Oh gods, Naruto. The brunette quickly pulled his feet up, waiting until Naruto sounded like he had finished his business and left before sneaking back into the hallway. The bell rang, signalling he was late for class.

-

Naruto would not even look at him as they rode home, just glared straight ahead and slipped on a pair of headphones. Iruka knew what music that was by the vibration the sounds were letting off; it was hate music.

But nothing could get Iruka down! He had plans with the white-haired gym hotty for a whole afternoon! No way the blonde was going to pull him from his little cloud high in the sky.

The English teacher let out a dreamy sigh, hitting the gas when someone honked at him to go.

"The light's green, asshole!" Screamed the driver behind him. Iruka just grinned.

-

He was upstairs, folding up clothes when he heard the most horrible sound in the whole world.

The phone rang.

Crap.

It rang once...twice... then stopped.

'What?' Iruka thought to himself, then he heard Naruto calling him.

"Oy, Iruka! Someone asking for you on the phone!" The blonde mumbled, holding up the phone. Iruka breathed a sigh of relief, descending the stairs and taking the phone.

"This is Iruka." He said into the phone.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Came the voice. The brunette's earthy brown eyes widened. It wasn't just a voice; it was CREEPY STALKER VOICE!

"Eh... I have to go..." Iruka mumbled.

"No you don't," The voice replied, "You have nothing to grade, no plans."

"You're wrong, I do have plans, for Friday." The English teacher grumbled.

"For Friday. Today is Wednesday."

Iruka shuddered, hanging up. "Naruto, don't pick up the phone without asking the person who they are first, okay? And if they have a funny voice, just hang up..."

No use; Iruka's voice would not get through the hate-music blasting from Naruto's headphones.

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That's it. I hope I did all right typing all this up. It's late, I'm so sorry! If your review answer is not here, I am sorry for that as well.


	4. Lunchroom Touble

Gods, what has it been, months now? About three and still counting. Wow. I apologize for keeping you all waiting, really I am. Reviews will be answered in the next chapter, but for now, I just need to get this one done while I have the inspiration and the coffee to tackle this chapter. Thanks to everyone who wished me luck for the art school, but I didn't make it. In all truths, I really didn't even go to the audition to get in because I never got my entry pieces typed up because I was lazy. And maybe that's for the better, because I can't see myself as writing for a living; I do not have the commitment and I would have never got the work done for the writing classes. Don't get me wrong, I sure as hell would have made it in, and that is saying something, as I am indeed my toughest critic.

Another announcement is I may be taking 'Rejection is Real' off our archive, as I have no more passion to finish it(it would have been about 20 chapters at the least, anyways). I really didn't want to mess with this one either, but I think I might as well finish at least one story. Your thoughts appreciated.

This story has hit the 50 review mark (actually it is approximately 70..), which makes me so very proud. If I make it to 100, I will write a one-shot(on anything I know) for the 100th reviewer. If that turns out to be you, please leave me your email address so I can contact you, or you can contact me via email with the subject written so I don't think it's junk mail when I go through it.

Without further wait, I give you chapter four.

"Don't Pick Up"-Chapter4 (Lunchroom Trouble)

"So, did you decide yet?" Kakashi had sat next to him in lunch, stirring a mug of tea.

Iruka glanced over to him through the corner of his eye, not daring to look the gym teacher full in the face. "Yes, the answer is yes." He replied, congratulating himself mentally for stating this calmly and not blubbering like a fan girl. Kakashi smiled. At least, he thought so. Damn scarf.

"You seem a little bummed out today, did you get any sleep?" The white-haired young man went on, tugging at his scarf.

"A little, but I could always sleep during my free period if I needed it. No, that's not the problem. I'm concerned about Naruto."

"Again?"

"Well, yes. He's been ignoring me lately, and last night he was blasting his music much louder than usual. He wasn't there this morning when I came down for brekfast" Iruka replied with a sigh, eying Kakashi and his tea enviously.

"He was late for school today, too." Kakashi observed, pushing the mug over in front of Iruka. The English teacher graciously took a sip. It almost calmed him until his mind finally registered just what Kakashi was saying.

"What! How do you know?" He asked, nails now being dug into the table as a stress reliever.

"Because," Kakashi stated, "I passed him on my way here to school."

Iruka sweatdropped and traded an eye-roll for an irked look and a gulp of tea. "Wonder why..."

"Ask him."

"Nah, then I'd seem over-bearing."

"You mean it makes you look too much like one of those moms who refuse to believe their child vandalizes the school?"

"Watch it." Iruka growled softly, then shook his head to hide a smile. "What kind of errands are you running tomorrow?"

"Bookstore, groceries, and then whatever you need." He stood and walked off, returning soon after with a soda in hand. Most likely via the 'magic' trick.

"You read?" Iruka asked as he sat down, blinking.

"Of course." And just the devious look in his eye was enough to immediately remind Iruka of the conversation of Kakashi's 'book' the day before.

"Oh."

"Okay, move Kakashi, I'm here to save Iruka." Came the voice of Tsunade, who appeared only a moment later shoving Kakashi from his seat. The blonde settled right down, popping the plastic top off her salad. "And Iruka is going to save me from that perverted old man."

"He's /your/ age." Kakashi chimed in from the floor. He got kicked in the face.

"You know who I haven't seen in the teacher's lounge... ever?" Iruka asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Who?"

"That new guy. Orochimaru, right?" He mumbled, taking a nice good gulp of his tea now. "What does he teach?"

"Advanced Science." Tsunade replied, pouring what was most likely dressing on her salad. "He doesn't like people, so he probably eats in his room."

"You know him?" Iruka asked curiously.

"He was in my class... less than ten years ago. He's still just a kid."

"Compared to you he is. So are we." Kakashi stated, taking a seat on Iruka's opposite side.

"At least my hair isn't white."

"You will. And at least I won't have to worry about wrinkles for another twenty years."

"Stop!" Iruka said, slamming his hand down on the table. That stopped it.

"But anyways, he's rather creepy. In my old class, he and this boy-" She was cut off abruptly as the door to the teacher's lounge crashed open. In fell, in a heap of green, Gai. He was covered in something sickly yellow and when he looked up, Iruka noticed Gai's face was almost the color of his suit.

"Food fight...hit by yesterday's leftovers...need...back up!" And he passed out. The room held an awkward silence for some time, which was broken by Iruka.

"Wow," He murmured, walking over to take Gai's pulse.

"He wanted to be a drama teacher." Kakashi commented dryly, which most likely meant he'd been told this several times over by his fellow gym teacher. "This /would/ happen when he has lunch duty."

"Well, I'm going to go check on the lunchroom and put a stop to this food fight if it hasn't already died off." The English teacher announced and no one argued. Who would want to enter a food fight unarmed?

"Want me to go with you?" Tsunade offered. "My wrists ache to sign a referrals!"

"No." Iruka said with a sigh and a shake of his head. From his pants pocket he drew out his green pen slowly and clicked it open. "I don't think that will be necessary.

The lunchroom was all in a rage, the food fight was still going on. When he entered, Iruka observed the damage.

Leftovers from whatever slop -Iruka had admitted it was indeed slop- they had yesterday was plastered to the wall as well as various other unrecognizable items.

He spotted a group of girls huddled under a table protectively around one annoyed Uchiha Sasuke.

And right in the middle of the chaos, standing on a table, was Naruto. Iruka wasn't mad yet, no, he knew the blonde would have had a hand in this somehow. Hearing someone comer in, the blonde had snapped around and sent a piece of pizza whizzing through the air.

While this was happening, Iruka noticed one other near Naruto. Gaara. He'd know the red hair from anywhere and that over-use of eyeliner. And then his vision was obscured when he got smacked in the face by a piece of pizza.

A quiet fell over the cafeteria, everyone stared as the English teacher peeled a pepperoni from his face. Naruto's voice broke the silence.

"Oh shit."

Iruka was mad now. Furious, actually, but for a millisecond he held his composure.

"Uzamaki Naruto. Principal's office. NOW!" Naruto shrunk back with fear, then bolted out the door, Gaara not far behind. Well, at least they were friends, right?

He knew Naruto wouldn't go to the principal's office, he just /knew/. But he'd be waiting and if he saw Naruto in the halls during his free period -which was the blonde's favorite spot to roam while he was skipping- he was going to snatch him in by the ear!

In the bathroom he was scrubbing his face hard. After all, it was school pizza and who knows what it went through.

"Now I have the right to be mad at him too." He observed, talking to himself. And he decided then that maybe he wouldn't kill Naruto... maybe.

"What the heck did you think you were doing?" Iruka asked when Naruto slinked into the house at the end of the day. The brunette had almost knocked cars off the road to get to the house before Naruto, as was custom.

Whenever Naruto got in big trouble, he ran home. If he got there first, he could zip up to his room, lock the door, and not have to listen to Iruka's rants muffled by his door. In this way he was probably the fastest runner in the school, rivaled only by two others/

But on days like these, when Iruka got home first, he was forced to listen. These were the rules of the game neither of them liked to play.

"A /food fight?" Iruka continued, crossing his arms.

"I was trying to hit Sasuke but I missed..." The blonde muttered, shuffling his feet.

"And hit Gai."

"No, Gaara got Gai. Covered his whole head in that leftover spaghetti." His blue eyes twinkled with distant admiration.

'Is that what it was?' Iruka thought to himself, shuddered, and shook his head to regain that stern look.

"Doesn't matter. You shouldn't be throwing food in the first place, especially not at Sasuke! You two are partners on the group project and I don't want you two tearing up the house while I'm away on Friday." Iruka scolded.

"Wait a minute, you're not going to stay and make sure I don't beat Sasuke up?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Iruka gave him a flat stare. "I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you beating up our house!"

"What's so important that you have to leave? Is it about the guy at Radio Shack?"

"No, I'm going to run errands with Kakashi-sensei."

"Kakashi? My gym-teacher? That Kakashi? Why are you going on errands with him? You don't even like the guy!"

Iruka stiffened considerably at this and an almost devious glint came to his soft brown eyes. "Oh/yes/ I /do/" Naruto looked at him in confusion. "I mean, we're friends." Good save.

"Whatever. You don't love me any more!" Naruto began to sob, batting his blue eyes. Iruka almost melted...almost.

"Go to your room, you little brat-child. I'm /still/ going tomorrow." And he ruffled Naruto's hair in both an affectionate and teasing gesture. "But before I leave, I'll see to it Sasuke is over here with you/peacefully/ working."

The blonde stuck out his lower lip and ran up the stairs quickly to his room.

'That wasn't so bad.' Iruka decided and sunk into a chair. The phone rang.

'Oh God, I do NOT need this." He grumbled, But what if it was somehow Kakashi? He sighed and picked up the cordless, pressing it to his ear. "Hello?"

"One day now. Are you excited?" Asked that husky voice on the receiver. Dammit.

"What are you talking about?"

"The big date with that studly scarecrow. You did tell his yes today, didn't you?"

"Kakashi?"

"That's the one. You're cheating on me, are you?"

"I don't think that's any of your concern. And just who /are/ you?" Iruka grumbled into the receiver, terribly irked this guy was suggesting they were in a relationship.

A small laugh came from the other side. "Don't worry, but I'll be watching." And there was a click, meaning the phone stalker had hung up.

"What a day." Iruka grumbled, turning the phone off and setting it nearby, "But nothing, NOTHING better try and stop me tomorrow! Not Naruto, not any natural disasters, and NOT creepy phone stalker dude. And now, it's time for sleep." This last sentence he concluded with a solemn note and got up to climb the stairs to his room.

It was sleep-time for him; he wanted to be ready to go in the morning. Setting the alarm, the brunette took out his hair and drifted to sleep, not bothered at all that the digital time flashed four o' clock.

That's the end of this chapter. Hope you liked it and be sure to review. If whoever is 100th reviewer doesn't include their email or doesn't write back to mine, I'll do whatever for the runner-up, so make sure once you get near to 90 reviews you should all put your emails afterwards until 105. Can't believe this story is getting towards that. Next chapter next Wednesday. I'm going to sleep now.


	5. Sasuke Eats Face!

Heh. Brought to you hopefully on time! This is probably the biggest chapter I've written, as more notebook pages were taken up with it. By the way, I love you, Isolde1, I really do. Your work is awesome and your English skills are amazing considering you were French first. Gods I'm so unproffesional. 84 reviews, thanks.

Eudoxus: Ah ha, yes, it's a better term for what he was going to use. Never heard of splooge o.0

xvalencex: Well thank you That's a big compliment considering I was so concerned for the characterization.

sweetsnow: Everyone says Kakashi. Am I that obvious? Hm. We'll see.

kakashifangirl: Some people live by one catch-phrase. That is Tsunde's in this fic . No one will know who the stalker is until the end, if at all.

Spectre: oo Would he really go so low, you think? Maybe, maybe not xD

ZheM: You too? I should make a vote for who the people want the stalker to be.

Letta: Oh, he really gets the best out of Sasuke in this chapter. :wink:

any: Yes, I based a few of them off of my own teachers, especially Tsunade(Thank you evil English teacher for inspiration...) Gai is his own little character. I wish I had a hot bishounen(Kakashi) for my gym teacher instead of the old man I have. -.-

SaiyanSandBoarder: Oh yes, I love this pairing too much to stop now. Enjoy this chapter.

Iceheart19: Chapter 3 was so far my favorite. The store part was a good idea on my part, I admit. I love to play with these characters.

Yaoilover S: Yup, you and many others think it's the young pervert. We'll see. The date is here, in this chapter, so read!

vic: That's because I'm a pervert, dahling. I'll do that if you keep reading and reviewing.

mini-kero: I think you and a few others will enjoy this chapter. I hope you've enjoyed every chapter, really.

Kawaii Thief Kitsune: I think this is the only one out there, but I wouldn't mind a few others, you know? On I continue...

anthooula: I don't know at this point. Everyone seems to think so. We'll see.

KageOni1: Oh? You think it's Gaara? Well you're the first one. Maybe you're right. Oh, I'm sorry your friend flamed this story. Since it's a guy that probably means this is yaoi-tastic, eh?

insight-to-insanity: Gah:nudged off computer chair: Okay, well this chapter is dedicated to you :P Naruto IS jump-rope master. Iruka has to show that little spark of evil he has every now and then! xD

gina-uzumaki: Thank you. Though, banging my head against the wall and drinking cough syrup is not the best way to pick up an uncliche idea. No! No SasuNaru.

AznNarutoGrl91: It does. Oh how it continues. Make sure you read chapters 4 and 5 now.

Tamara2187: Update HERE!

Kaelas: Ja! Aww, this story has so many fans TT

((About here I've decided I'm only answering questions now x.x))

Azamiko: At first I thought this review was an insult, but reading it over, it's just stating the facts. Highschool is hard, I know because Middle school is hell. With all these homophobes it really is no surprise Naruto is shunned, but originally this was because everyone believed he got special treatment from the teachers because he had Iruka. I am so pleased. As soon as I stuck a ne character into the story, everyone jumped all over him, including you. Everyone is looking for a Sasu/Naru, just look at the reviews! ;

ellina HOPE: Yes, I know. Formatting is a pain in the ass and there was also supposed to be a '-' changing the scenes, but those somehow disappeared . I'll be fixing 4 later and replacing '/' with italics, but thanks for telling me.

This is where I hit 100 reviews, I'm sure. So everyone make sure to review... I know. I'm so damn evil... I will only let everyone have Chapter 6 if I reach 105-110 reviews. And believe me, you're gonna want 6 xD. Now, for Chapter 5.

"Dont Pick Up" Chapter 5: Sasuke Eats Face!

It was the best sleep he'd had in years. The English teacher rose, not as a zombie but as if he'd just woken up from years of sleep. He took a shower -careful to make sure all windows were locked and covered- and got dressed into clean clothes (the nights before he'd just slept in the same clothes.)

"Not too fancy," He reminded himself as he faced a mirror and smoothed out a wrinkle on his plain white shirt. "It's a normal day... Please/please, don't embarrass yourself today." His lower lip quivered and promptly he had to burry his face into a nearby pillow to keep a fangirlish squeal from piercing the calm air. Once that was all out, he tied up his hair and almost fell down the stairs while trying to skip down them. Bad idea, he decided, clutching the railing to keep from falling.

"Good morning, Naruto." He smiled to the blonde sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal.

"You just popped up like a friggin' daisy this morning, huh?" He grumbled in return, nipping at his adoptive father's fingers when they dared to near his box of CocoPuffs(don't own).

"Well, aren't you a ball of sunshine?" Iruka teased, mood not spoiled at all. Instead, from the cabinet he fetched a bowl and a box of Lucky Charms.

Naruto grunted, mumbling 'it's your fault' through his cereal.

"Close your mouth when you chew. You needed a partner."

"Why didn't you pair me up with Gaara then?"

"You told me not to favor you, so I handled this like a teacher." Iruka smiled across the table and popped a rainbow marshmallow in his mouth. He almost enjoyed watching Naruto's own words coming back to slap him in the face at the last second.

That was the end of the conversation, because Iruka had to go. So he dumped the remaining cereal in his bowl into the sink and headed out.

He was early, of course, to the teacher's lounge. The brunette got his card and checked himself in as well as Kakashi a few minutes later. He set the coffee machine and took a seat, peering at the clock.

He was /very/ early. A sound behind him was brought to Iruka's attention and he glanced over his shoulder just in time to see a very pale young man he'd never seen before. His skin was a sickly white, but his hair was dark, very much so, and the way the twin golden visionaries this man owned were eying him made him feel very smile. Like a mouse.

"Good morning." The man said softly, picking up a card from the stack and sticking it under the little time-piece to be stamped.

"You must be Orochimaru. The science teacher, right?" He asked with a friendly smile, trying not to stutter his words. Just what about this guy made him so afraid? Was it the tone or the unearthly beauty? 'Snake' his mind was screaming at him, that internal instinct every living thing possessed.

"That's right." Orochimaru replied, now sticking his card into the inbox of cards. His voice was rich and flowing. "And you are Umino Iruka, advanced English."

"How..." Iruka began, but the Science teacher had brushed out just as quietly as he had come. Iruka shuddered. Soon, Tsunade entered, followed closely by a white-haired Jiraiya.

"Wow, Iruka, you look healthy this morning!" Tsunade teased, coming over to fix his collar. Sometimes he reminded Iruka of the mother he never had the way she sometimes fussed over him. And the times after that she was just an older friend.

"Well, that's because I got a good night's rest." He replied with a small smile. "Do you think you can do me a favor?"

"I could definitely try," She said with a smile, "What did you have in mind?"

"Good morning, class." Iruka announced, smiling towards each and every one of them. It didn't concern him that most of what he recieved in return were scowls; someone even stuck out their tongue.

He spotted Naruto in the back, talking to Gaara in hushed whispers and gesturing to the back of Sasuke's head every now and then. There was a look about him Iruka knew, the gleam to the eyes that he himself must have carried at one time. It meant trouble.

"Today, we will be working on our group projects. Those of you that will do it over the weekend, you have free time, no homework. Also, I will now have those who are making up the test up front. That means you, Naruto." He spotted someone's hand going up near the back. "Yes, Kiba?"

"What is that stack of papers in your arms if they're not worksheets?" Asked the Inuzuka.

"Referrals." Iruka said cheerfully, setting them on a sleeping Shikamaru's desk. "Supplied by our very own Tsunade-sensei. Do not make a noise above a whisper, do not throw things, do not make any trouble whatsoever. Or I'll send you to the office with one of these. And please, don't leave your seat unless you have to."

The classroom was silent. In his teachings, Iruka was very strict, but he never sent a kid down on a referral before. Seeing his signature in green ink on a referral would make Saratobi flip out on any student. It was just that simple.

So it was quiet, mostly, except for necessary whispers. Iruka was mildly surprised as he observed the class, but he was not really concerned that he would most likely not have to give out referrals to this class.

"Sasuke." He called, looking expectantly over to a group of girls. Sure enough, the dark-haired teen pushed his way through the crowd of them and walked over to stand in front of his desk.

"Did Naruto ask you over today?" He asked, looking over towards his 'little brother'.

"No." The Uchiha replied, but he somehow managed to use no tone at all.

"Well, please do come over today. I'm sorry he's giving you a hard time. Do you need directions?"

"No, I'll just follow Naruto."

"Thank you, Uchiha-kun, see you later. You may return to your seat now."

Sasuke looked reluctant to return to his seat but slowly made his way back. Iruka looked up just in time to catch a blue-eyes glare from Naruto. He was getting those a lot lately.

"Thanks for not being late for once." Iruka smirked as he opened the door for the white-haired gym teacher.

"Well, it's a special occasion." Kakashi replied, ignoring Iruka's smirk. Iruka flinched at this, biting his lip. Just what was that supposed to mean?

"After all," The gym teacher continued, "I'm sure you want to get away from Naruto and Sasuke as soon as possible." Oh. Damn.

"Yes, well, they're settled here now, so I think it's safe to go now." Indeed the two boys had settled down in the living room, Sasuke muttering something every now and then while Naruto wrote it down.

"Off we go then." Kakashi smiled, then gestured to the black car in the street. Unlike Iruka's boxy van, this car was sleek and probably much faster. Sports car(boys and their toys... ). But it was dirty, and it was definitely not new.

"What kind of car is this?" Iruka asked as he slid into the passenger seat of the car. At least it was roomy on the inside.

"Trans-Am." The gym teacher replied, plopping down behind the steering wheel and starting the ignition. "They're rare now because they've stopped making them anymore. I've had this one since I got out of college."

"Did you wear that head-band over your eye when they handed you your driver's license?"

"Why yes, yes it was." He replied and started off down the street.

'Oh my gawd, he's talking to me. Me and him alone in a car? Oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd.' Iruka thought to himself, knowing quite well he was being pathetic but he just couldn't help it... 'Oh, crap, don't get a hard-on now! Not a perv, not a perv...'

"Iruka-sensei, are you alright?" Kakashi asked, reaching up and flicking on the air conditioner at the sight of his companion's flushed face.

"Fine, fine." Iruka said quickly with an uneasy smile. "Where to first?"

"Bookstore." Kakashi smiled over towards him. "Anywhere you need to go near there?"

"Isn't there an electronics' store next to it?" Iruka asked hopefully.

"Radio Shack you mean? Yeah."

"Okay, I'll be over there for a little while."

"Gonna buy something for Naruto? After that food fight?"

"No way. I'm getting a new phone," The English teacher sighed.

"Ah." And just as he said this, Kakashi pulled into the small strip mall that contained their said stores. There was even a grocery store there, too. Iruka groaned in slight disappointment because all the stores nearby meant he was going home soon.

"But he got out all the same and headed towards Radio Shack while Kakashi trotted to the adult bookstore next door. Iruka wanted to follow, he really did. The fact Kakashi was a pervert didn't disturb him at all for some reason. The two were barely friends but he would still trust Kakashi to not ogle the little boys in the locker room. The reason he did not follow Kakashi was he didn't want to seem like or a lost puppy -or a fellow pervert.

It disturbed him mildly that when he entered the electronic's store, the shopkeeper took one look at him and grabbed the shop broom. Slowly Iruka walked over to a far corner ad began to look through all the different phone systems while keeping an eye on the old man as well. He'd had bad experiences with brooms as a child and those memories followed him when he was a grown man. He still had that sort of wariness.

He picked up the phone system he wanted and showed the clerk who, in turn, lowered his weapon and reached for the register. Iruka payed in obedient silence.

Seeing as Kakashi wasn't out yet, he walked over to the bookstore carrying his new phone system in the plastic bag given. He found the afore-mentioned male talking to Jiraiya, who was waving what looked like the newest issue of Icha Icha Paradise.

"I bet you that is what will happen." Jiraiya concluded, tapping the book.

"You're on," Kakashi said, "You couldn't have read this book already because it just came out. I'm telling you; I know this author would not let her die."

"Whatever you say," Jiraiya shrugged then tapped the book again, "But I bet you twenty dollars she does."

"Just hand over the money now, you know that won't happen."

"We'll see."

"Oh, hello, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi said, now just noticing the brunette. "Sorry for the wait. I just need to pay for this and we can leave." He traveled to the front desk.

"Easy money," Jiraiya chuckled. "Nice seeing you, Iruka."

Iruka just followed Kakashi, confused about the situation all together.

"Groceries. Right down the sidewalk." Kakashi announced, slipping his book into his pants pocket.

It was only in the middle of the grocery store that Iruka found he was frowning. And it wasn't him that noticed first, either. They'd been using one buggy, each of them throwing what they needed into one side of the cart so the space in it was divided evenly. Kakashi was pushing the buggy along when he just suddenly stopped.

"You seem sad. Have I bothered you?" Asked the gym teacher. It surprised Iruka so much that he took a step back. How did Kakashi know? Iruka was standing on his left side, which meant the head-band should have made him hidden.

"No, it's not you. It's just I..."

"You don't want to go home to Naruto and Sasuke so soon."

"Yes." Still no, but it was close enough to what he was thinking. There was a small pause before Kakashi began to walk again, dumping cups of instant ramen into his side of the cart when he passed that shelf.

"You like tea." Kakashi muttered as he went along. "There's a nice cafe down by the river that sells the best herbal tea I've ever had. We could stop by there and get a cup before you go home if you wanted to stall for more time."

"I uh... sure."

"For an English teacher, you are not very good with words." Jerk.

"Well, for a gym teacher you pile up on a lot of starch." He retorted.

"Hey, we haven't reached the vegetable aisle yet!" The other huffed, then laughed lightly with mirth when Iruka picked up several vegetables to signify they had.

"Well," Kakashi commented, picking up a box of pocky and a bag of chips as he did. "If this is all we need, let's pay for it and head for the cafe."

"Alright."

Even though it was seven o'clock in the afternoon, it was still light out. When Iruka stepped out of the car, there was a certain air to his walk. He was just... happy.

Kakashi insisted on carrying his groceries and -after a third try- Iruka let him, only carrying his Radio Shack bag. So they walked up the driveway -Kakashi at the lead- when he stopped suddenly for the second time that day and looked over his shoulder and gave Iruka a small 'Shh' sound.

"Wow, lookit them go." He whispered to Iruka, nodding towards the English teacher's van. "That Sasuke looks like he's trying to eat his face. Kinda hot..."

And sure enough, Uchiha Sasuke was sprawled out on the van, in pure daylight, and under him was a familiar mane of blonde hair. 'Eating face' was a bit of a crude term, but the way those two were making out was definitely rough.

'Okay,' Iruka thought. 'So they're getting along a leeetle better than I wanted. Uchiha Sasuke kissing Naruto on the car. Naruto is kissing back so atleast it's not rape. On my car. On MY CAR!'

The brunette twitched visibly and set his bag down calmly. Now, Iruka has a small rose bush in the front yard, and on weekends he waters them. After a painful experience, he's resorted to using a special shower nozzle at the end of the nose to avoid bees; much like that on a kitchen sink.

It couldn't have been in a better place now.

It lay on its side on the patch of lawn nearby and now Iruka picked it up, making his way carefully over towards the couple. They noticed him too late and by the time Sasuke let Naruto's mouth free he was thoroughly drenched.

"OFF! Off my car! Sasuke, I think it's time you go home. NOW." The English teacher shouted, shooting a stream of water into the boy's face for emphasis. He didn't need a second warning; Sasuke took off down the street like all hell was chasing behind him and not his teacher with a garden hose.

"Nice." Kakashi commented. "Though, it still makes you look like a mom."

"See this hose still in my hand?"

"See these groceries I'll use as a shield?"

Iruka snorted and rolled his eyes, turning to Naruto. "Don't go in your room. Wait for me in the living room. We're talking once Kakashi leaves."

The blonde, not quite over the shock of how everything had ended, walked aimlessly into the house. Iruka sighed and picked up his bag, leading Kakashi in.

"Thanks for the help." Iruka muttered as the groceries were set on a counter he gestured to.

"Anytime." Kakashi replied, smiling with his eye. "Hey, maybe we should trade numbers in case you ever need another one of these excuses?"

Iruka was afraid he was about to faint, though he masked it well enough, using the table as support to look like he was casually leaning on it.

"Sure, let me find some paper." He replied, drawing out his pen and clicking it open.

"Just write it on my hand." The other suggested, holding out his hand.

'Gods, I'm such a loser.' Iruka thought to himself as he gently lifted and held Kakashi's hand still with his own. He hoped his hands weren't sweating as he began to scribble the house number down on his crush's hand.

"You're going to look like one of those kids in school." Iruka teased, trying to lighten the heavy silence.

"You mean those ones that walk around with their girlfriend's number on their hands?" He returned smoothly, plucking the pen from Iruka's fingers when he was finished and grabbing his hand. He chuckled softly at his own joke, writing down his own number on Iruka's hand.

He couldn't help it; he blushed furiously and lowered his head to hide it. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice. "Later." And he was gone just like that, the sound of the revving engine outside giving another sort of good-bye to him.

Naruto was waiting for him when he entered the living room and sat in a chair. "Naruto, what do you think I'm going to say?"

"You're not going to kick me out of the house, are you?" He asked, lowering his eyes. "It just all happened so fast, aniki, I couldn't help myself. Please don't put me back on the streets, I can change!" He was already tearing up. Iruka couldn't say he was too surprised by this response.

"Naruto, don't be ashamed." He said, getting up and walking over to kneel in front of the blue-eyed blonde. "I'm not going to kick you out, I'm just mad you decided to have your first -er- kiss on my car. You can like whoever you want, no matter what gender. I accept you for yourself, even if you do give me alot of grief." He wrapped his arms about the boy in a reassuring hug.

"Thanks aniki, big brother, but I think you've probably scared him away anyways."

(Flash-back to the Cafe)

"So," Kakashi leaned over the small table set between them. And it ended here, just that 'so', as if Iruka should be the one to pick up conversation. Said man was content with just staring at Kakashi's reflection against the window next to their table, which over-looked the river.

"Just what were you and Jiraiya talking about in that... adult bookstore?" He had trouble saying the last bit, just like he had trouble saying 'spooge' on the phone. His face showed it too, as his nose -and thus his scar- crinkled in mild embarrassment.

"Oh." Kakashi waved his hand slightly. "A new addition of Icha Icha Paradise came out. Originally, it was to be a three-book set but the author decided to make up a new short series. Jiraiya reads the series too, so we made a bet. He says the main woman character is going to die right in the middle of the book. Because /no/ romance novelist would do that to a main character, I'm going to get twenty dollars off that old man."

Iruka processed the situation and then lowered his head, shoulders quivering.

"What's so funny?" Kakashi asked, lowering his scarf and sipping his tea, but Iruka didn't see.

"Haven't you ever listened to anything Tsunade says?" Iruka asked looking up just as Kakashi lifted his scarf back over his nose. Behind him, some teenage girl was ogling the white-haired man.

"Nope. I've learned to tune her out." He replied in turn. "Why?"

"Kakashi-sensei, Jiraiya is the /author/ of Icha Icha Paradise. If you'd listen to Tsunade for five minutes you would know that. She can't keep him out of any conversation."

"He wouldn't shut up about her." There was that moment of awkward silence. "Do you mean I've just lost twenty dollars."

"That's exactly what I mean." Iruka couldn't help but chuckle at the expression the eye emitted then he couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy as well.

"Ah, well," Kakashi muttered, looking out of the window now. "That would explain why he's won all the other bets on that book." He turned to look across at the brunette teacher then, eye smiling. "I like you, Iruka."

That's it for this chapter! You don't get to see the next part until I get over 105 reviews, which shouldn't be a problem. Okay, here is where we hit 100 though and there is rules for this kiriban. No spamming. Review only once please, no one could want a one-shot from me that much. One review per chapter. Good luck.


	6. Something Dark

Hey all, hope you found this before chapter 7 came out. But if not, that's good too because you got to read two chapters at a time -gasp-. And if you're just finding DPU, you've gotten to read 6 full chapters, congrats. Hopefully everyone finds this good enough for the wait. I've probably become the Kakashi of fanfiction by now(and you've complimented me on how well I've written him).

And for all who are wondering: No, I will not be explaining the SasuNaru relationship in this story. If I were ever to explain how they ended up kissing on Iruka's van, it would be as a side story. This story is Iruka-centric, if you haven't already noticed. Everything Iruka finds out, you will find out and SasuNaru will be a side thing, something our English teacher runs across. Whether or whether not I write this side story on Naruto is entirely up to you people, who will write in their review for this chapter whether they'd like that or not. My self-esteem needs boost for inspiration.

I'm happy I can keep you all on your toes /and/ lace in my own sense of humor. Thank you a lot for your patience. Also, the 100th reviewer was Polka-Dot, but since they did not reply to my email the prize went to the nearest active email(you know who you are). They themselves requested a SasuNaru one-shot, so be sure to go check that out when it comes. And yes, I did giggle when I said the word 'spooge' out loud, thanks for that.

I'll be working on formatting soon, as ff-net crapped up my usual '-' spacing signs. My apologies for the scene switches without warning, those will be worked on right away.

DPU will not be updating for a span of three weeks while I'm away at camp. However, when I get back, I expect to be finished with it. The one-shot may have to come after the span of three weeks as well, as even this chapter almost didn't make it in beforehand. My sincerest apologies are all I have to offer; you'll just have to put up with me. I have neglected to even look at this fanfiction for weeks and have been working on three others, which I really shouldn't have been doing... So, yes, I am a lazy bum to whoever called me that in the reviews so illiterately. You'll just have to deal with it and stop riding me about it. It is a pass-time to write these, as it's not like I'm making any sort of money off of it. Thank you for your time and patience.

(Story)

"Don't Pick Up" Chapter 6: Something Dark

"I like you." He had stated simply, leaning over the table towards our English teacher. The one dark eye seemed to sparkle with mirth.

Iruka was absolutely shocked, at a loss of words. Either he didn't realize or he didn't care his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were widened unattractively.

"Surprising, eh? I genuinely like you, unlike that Jiraiya or Gai." Kakashi continued, hand slowly sliding what was rightfully Iruka's sugar packets away while said man was still in his stupefied state. "You would make a good friend."

Iruka mentally inserted his foot into his mouth. Friends? Just friends?

"You'll catch flies like that, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi said boldly, pushing the other's jaw back into place with the tips of his fingers. The brunette flinched, pulling back and giving a sheepish smile.

"Something wrong?" Kakashi asked, stirring the sugar into his tea.

"Not at all!" Iruka said, recovering quickly with a smile. "Are you asking me to be your friend?"

"Of course. Why? Were you expecting me to say something else?"

Yes. "No, not at all. I'd like to be friends with you." He bit his lip to keep the quivering of his hand under control as it picked up the mug of tea and brought it to his mouth. In a way, he was shattered, but in some way he was happy; happy that at least Kakashi liked him enough to be friends.

"Thank you, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi smiled.

"Iruka."

"Excuse me?"

"Just Iruka. If we're going to be friends, you shouldn't have to add casualties like that. Besides, I'm not /your/ sensei." The brunette replied, sipping his tea. It didn't matter if his tongue was burning in the process.

"Ah, I see. Well, then I'd prefer you to do the same for me." Kakashi nodded.

"Fair enough." Iruka smirked at him as he lowered his cup. "Do you always steal your friends' sugar packets?"

"If they're not using them." The other snorted softly, nonchalant to the thought the English teacher just might be mad at the theft of his sugar. Lucky for him, it was quite on the contrary and Iruka was amused.

"Liar, you just like sugar. I bet you have a sweet tooth worse than most of our students."

"Now what would give you that idea?" The gym teacher asked, looking rather smug.

"Well," Iruka paused to take another gulp of tea, "I saw the way you looked at that pie they set out at the counter and... well, no one I know would pick up one box of 'Sugar-frosted Sugar Doughnuts with Chocolate Puffs' cereal, much less three boxes. Unless, you know, they wanted to have an immediate heart attack. Even Naruto stays away from that stuff."

"...Touché."

(Present Time)

"Whatcha doin'?"

Iruka sighed, rolling his eyes skywards as he heard this. Currently, he was on his knees behind the table that held the phone, cable in one hand and instruction manual in the other. Behind him, Naruto was bent at the waist with his hands on his knees. It had been like this for the past half-hour, the blond asking the two-worded question over and over.

"I told you before, Naruto. I-"

"I wasn't listening last time." Naruto interjects.

"Yes you were. I'm setting up the new caller ID system and I /didn't/ get you an Xbox, so stop making faces at me like I don't see them." Iruka's brow furrowed as he read the instructions over yet again and plugged the cord into the socket, leaning back to look at his finished work.

"Whatever," Naruto huffed, obviously not hearing what he had wanted. It was as if he had forgotten the earlier events of that day and it was that characteristic Iruka envied. Naruto never stayed mad for long, because conflicts came and went with him almost every day. He forgot quickly; one might say he had a one-track mind. "I'm hungry."

"Order some pizza." Iruka replied. The blond gave him an odd look. Normally, Iruka always cooked unless he was too tired from a day of work. Naruto had to /beg/ him for ordering out most of the time. So what was the matter with Iruka?

"A-alright Aniki. Do you want any?"

"I'll make something later." The brunette replied, giving a reassuring smile. He just needed to think for a little while, that was all. In a way he was kind of thankful when Naruto left. Then the phone rang, and he had left just as quickly as Naruto. "Oh, wait, I'll catch you now and call the police and..."

He picked up the phone quickly once he saw the name, and spoke as clearly as he could. "Hello, Kakashi." On the other line, someone coughed in surprise.

"How did you know it was me?" Came the voice on the other end; Kakashi's voice sounded a bit strangled.

"The new phone system I bought today has a built-in caller-ID accesory."

"...Sounds like you're talking about a Barbie doll."

"You disappoint me. I thought you'd say something more vulgar."

"What!" Kakashi coughed again on the other line. Iruka quickly covered his mouth to keep from laughing. For once, the other sounded distraught and thoroughly surprised; a nice change from that lazy, nonchalant manner.

"Did you call for something?" Iruka finally asked.

"Oh, yeah, what are you doing tomorrow?" What /was/ he doing tomorrow? Nothing, really. He had told Naruto to call Sasuke before he had set up the new phone and to ask him over to finish the project -and also to apologize for the issue with the hose. The blond had told him cheerily that Sasuke had accepted the invitation and would be over at noon.

"Well, the boys will be working together tomorrow and I'll have to watch them..."

"You don't /have/ to, do you?" Asked the other.

"Why?" A question for a question, though his tone was undoubtedly suspicious. "You have a better suggestion, I suppose?"

"Anything is better than baby-sitting, in my opinion." There was a cough on the other line. Laughter? "I'm headed out to the movies tomorrow. After all, it is Saturday. Want to come along?"

"Sure," The English teacher replied, walking over and sinking into a chair located in the living room. Another great aspect of his new phone was that it was cordless. "What's it rated?"

"Oh, it's alright. It's R, but then again, most of the good horror movies are. I'll pick you up at noon?" Wow, wasn't that convenient?

"That's fine. See you then."

"Bye." Iruka had to wait until Kakashi hung up before he could finally bring himself to do so as well. He sighed, sinking back further into his chair and covering his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You're pathetic." He told himself, fighting a rack of shivers that had decided to take hold of him. Kakashi is just a friend, he told himself, and he didn't need Webster to know the definition of that. He jumped slightly, snapping out of his trance when the phone rang. Automatically he hit the talk button, regretting it soon after.

"Hello, Iruka." A chuckle came from the other line, as well as a breath of air. You know, the noise that happens whenever someone blows air into the phone?

"Oh, it's you." Iruka cringed.

"Why did you get that Caller ID system, Iruka? Did you think I'd let you go just because you could see the number?"

"I'm going to put you in jail for sexual harassment."

"Not right now you won't, you picked up the phone far too fast. No one will show up on the history but Kakashi. So, where are you going with him tomorrow?"

"Well, you knew that Kakashi called, you should know where I'm headed. How did you know Kakashi called?"

Laughter came from the other end, but it was a bit bitter. "Your eyes light up when he talks to you. You sit up straighter. I also read your lips when you answered the phone."

"You read my- how!" Iruka sputtered, looking about. The stalker didn't need to answer. The window, the large one in the living room that over-looked the driveway and his roses. "Oh. Still, how?"

"The same way I watched you sleep at night and the same way I watch you pace your room as of late."

"How?" He felt himself shuddering, thumb reaching for the button that would turn off the phone.

"Binoculars-click." Dammit, he hung up the phone too quick to get the rest of it! Oh, well. He flipped through the call history just to spite himself, only finding 'Hatake, Kakashi'. A sigh at that. He rose to his feet, heading for the kitchen.

"Naruto," He hailed the boy who sat at the table, undoubtedly waiting for his pizza to come. Iruka dug into his pockets, setting a few bills on the table. "Here's money for the pizza. Listen, I'm going out again tomorrow."

"But Sasuke's coming over." Naruto argued, eying the brunette as he sunk down into the chair across the table. "Whom are you going with?"

"Kakashi."

"Again?" The blond whined, reaching over to slide the money towards him. "What is he to you anyways?" That made the English teacher jump, made him sink his nails into the table.

"We're... friends." That was the term, wasn't it? "Just friends."

"Tsunade-baba doesn't come over and take you out." He complained, now quirking a golden brow at Iruka. "She just stays for tea and cleans my room and sometimes complains about our Health teacher's porn."

"Well, Kakashi offers to take me out, Tsunade-sama doesn't. She hardly has money anyways with where she goes on weekends." Oops. Did he just spill that? "But anyways, I'm sure Sasuke will not mind my being gone. After all, he probably thinks I'll be waiting for him with the hose tomorrow. He'll never look at me the same."

"That's for sure," Naruto snickered. "But he forgives you. He told me so."

"I am trusting you not to make another scene like that."

"Well, we're sure as hell not doing it on the car again! I'm never looking at that the same..."

"Naruto!" He twitched, giving the now-laughing boy a hard stare. His hands were raised and a sigh escaped him. "You know what? I don't care. No sex. I'm going to bed now." And with that he rose, balling up a napkin on the table and throwing it at Naruto, who was still laughing. Right in the mouth! Ten points! He was up the stairs before the blond would stop yelling, into the safety of his room.

(Next Day... I have to resort to this, you see, for the time skips. I don't know what the hell is going on with fanficnet, but it doesn't take the dashy-thingeh anymore.)

Iruka never did get around to eating that night, so the next day he was downstairs, donning an apron over his clothes so he could fix breakfast and prepare to go wake Naruto up. The teenager had undoubtedly stayed up the night before, either on the computer or hunched over his gameboy. And when he opened the door to the blonde's room, he was able to easily dodge the pillow thrown at him.

"Come on, Sunshine, breakfast." He smirked, waiting for the normal response.

"I'll kick you where the sun don't shine if you don't go away." Covers were drawn over the lump on the mattress situated on the floor. Yup, he'd stayed up.

"I will send Sasuke up here while you're still in your pajamas, Naruto." THUMP! Naruto rolled right out from the safety of his covers, grumbling and rubbing sleep from his blue eyes. The next hour passed smoothly while Naruto packed away his food like a garbage disposal and trotted off to go take his shower. Iruka was just finishing his coffee when the doorbell rang, signaling the Uchiha's arrival.

"Naruto!" Iruka called, but got up anyways. Naruto was still in the shower, doing... whatever. So he went to the door, unlatching and undoing the locks before pulling it open. "Good morning Sa- Oh, hello."

He had not been wrong in saying Sasuke, the dark-haired boy stood before him with a stoic expression and a notebook tucked under one arm. However, someone was standing behind him, towering over him. The resemblance was uncanny; they must have been related.

"Good morning, Iruka-sensei." He was a beautiful specimen, Iruka would not deny that. The young man lifted his chin slightly, a sign of defiance and pride. Sasuke also had done this before and perhaps this is the being he had gotten it from, the one who stared down his nose at Iruka with wine-colored eyes. Contacts, they had to be. "I gave Sasuke a ride today, I hope you don't mind? I am Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. He mentions you sometimes and, honestly, I was rather curious to see an English teacher who is neither withered or equipped with a ruler."

Charming, Iruka thought, but he felt himself quiver on the inside. Sasuke was grumpy, disturbed, and easily irked, but he'd still have a long way to go to compare with Itachi. It wasn't as if he did anything wrong, there was just something about the boy the English teacher didn't particularly like. Something dark.

Over Itachi's shoulder, Iruka spotted the black trans-am that signalled Kakashi's arrival. It slowed before his house, and then continued on to pull up in the driveway across the street, incognito. It was then Iruka became aware of the pale palm offered over Sasuke's head.

"It's nice to meet you, Itachi-san, Sasuke is a good student." Iruka confirmed, reaching out to grip the hand offered to make-up for his lack of attention. "Of course I don't mind you bringing him over. Why should I?" The ghost of a smile that appeared on the older teen's lips unnerved him a little, as well as the cold grip of his palm.

"I'll be off then. Thank you for having Sasuke, you and Naruto are welcome to come over to our house as well. Oto-san will give you directions. Be good, Sasuke, and call me when you're ready to leave." Itachi nodded, slipping his hand away and turning. Sasuke just grumbled, waiting until Iruka moved aside to brush past.

"Naruto's in the shower, Sasuke. Please make yourself comfortable. You don't mind if I leave you two alone again, do you?" He watched in amusement as Sasuke twitched visibly. One part of him wanted to laugh at how Sasuke might be remembering the hose issue, while another part of him wanted to reach over and strangle him at how the boy might be thinking of Naruto in the shower.

"No." Sasuke replied with a casual shrug, but he would not turn to look Iruka in the eyes. It didn't matter, he supposed. The brunette slipped out of the house, closing the door soundly behind himself once he was sure Itachi had driven far away. He made his way across the street, counting the steps as he went, how many steps it would take to reach the passenger side of Kakashi's car.

"You're going to make us late." Was the first thing the white-haired man had greeted him with. It made Iruka tumbled headfirst into the car and knock his head against the steering wheel and into Kakashi's lap.

"You're in a position to talk." Iruka grumbled at him, groaning miserably at the pain that was finally beginning to tap at the part of his skull that had hit the steering wheel.

"Oh yeah? Well I'd say you're in a much worse one." The gym teacher teased, patting Iruka's ponytail sympathetically and laughing at the mad blush that possessed him at that comment. "Eager to go, eh?"

"Oh, be quiet and drive." The English teacher retorted, sitting up quickly.

"Not until you pull in your feet and close the door."

(End Chapter Six)

It's extremely short. However, the plot thickens! Right? So, this time in the reviews, why don't you all put who you think the stalker is? The suspects as follows: Kakashi, Naruto, Gaara, Sarutobi, Gai, Orichimaru, Itachi, Sasuke, The Radio-shack shopkeeper, Jiraiya, Tsunade, or (insert other name here).


End file.
